Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
