kristin has been a bad kristin
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
