Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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