Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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