so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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