That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
