there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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