Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
