We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
