You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
