Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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