Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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