then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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