were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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