Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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