oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
