Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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