I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
