i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
