omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
