I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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