We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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