Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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