do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
