I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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