I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
