The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
