i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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