Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need help removing her.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
