I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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