People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My bed smells like the plague
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
