Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
