You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
