Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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