i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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