I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
