ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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