Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
