marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
