Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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