he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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