He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
