Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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