Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
