I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
