According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
