apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
