with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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