Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I love you.
Bad choice
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
