This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
